Friday, November 16, 2007

Poem Sweet Poem: “Beowulf” is a Stunning Adventure Full of Battles, Blood and Butts

“Just don’t take a course where they make you read Beowulf.” That line of dialogue spoken by Woody Allen in Annie Hall really says it all. The epic poem that has frustrated countless English students is one of the most indecipherable, boring and tedious texts one will ever hope to read. It only makes sense that anyone who would try to adapt it for the big screen would, not only be a completely misguided, but doomed to fail. However, director Robert Zemeckis, using his trusty CGI computer animation motion capture technology and a comprehensible script by Roger Avery and Neil Gaiman, has actually come up with a cinematic adaptation worthy of praise. While it may share characters and plot elements, the motion picture Beowulf is thankfully not nearly as dull as the text it’s based on. (And let’s face it, the original epic poem is so dreadful that even the author doesn’t want to admit he wrote it).

There are really only one or two reasons you want to see this animated epic. First off it is appearing on over 1000 digitally rendered screens in handsome, eye-popping 3D. And then there’s the nudity. Male nudity! Female nudity! Everyone gets a piece. But honestly the main draw here is the visual element. Yes, the film is nice to look at, but that’s not all. The animation really draws you in and the 3D effects help immerse you in the world of Beowulf. It’s really all about the experience. Zemeckis really wants you to get off your butts and go to theater to see this. This isn’t something you should be downloading illegally or buying on DVD from the sketchy guy on the street corner.

I did “read” the original story way back in 8th grade, which not coincidentally is the year I discovered Cliffs Notes. All I remember is it being about a hero who slays the big scary creature. And that’s basically what the movie’s about. Beowulf (voice by Ray Winstone; body by Aaron Stephens who didn’t get final credit for loaning Ray his six pack) is a heroic warrior. He’s practically a Swedish Superman. He can swim very far and slay monstrous sea creatures. He barely seems human though he is. He is enlisted by the drunken King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) to slay the monster Grendel (Crispin Glover) who happens to be terrorizing his kingdom’s habitants.

Beowulf agrees to find this creature and so he strips down ready to face the beast on the same playing field with no weapons. This leads to an exciting nude fight between our hero (whose un-PG-13 friendly naughty bits are obscured Austin Powers-style) and Grendel. After defeating the beast, Beowulf sets out to even the score with Grendel’s even more evil mother (voice and nudity by Angelina Jolie). Grendel’s mother isn’t your typical monster. She changes form and uses her slinky tail and naked booty to seduce our hero. She seductively rubs his sword and it melts (paging Dr. Freud) and he promises not to kill her. And then he goes back to the village, pretends that he killed her, and then Hrothgar throws himself off his castle and Beowulf becomes the new king, only to realize that being king comes with a price…

I’m sure English teachers will be scratching their heads and ranting at the screen but you know what? This is Beowulf for people who didn’t like to read Beowulf. Therefore making movie vs. text references is kind of inapplicable. Anyone hoping that they could catch the flick instead of reading those confusing words will enjoy this fun and impressive movie from start to finish. And like I said, there’s naked people in it. Take that, stuffy lit professors! And although the film has a PG-13 rating, it tends to be surprisingly intense with creative use of violent images. I guess you can get away with a lot more when a movie is “animated.”

Beowulf is a technical achievement and it is a wonder to behold and it’s certainly more entertaining than last year’s epic snooze-fest “300.” It has some great voice work and the animation is impressive. Most of the fun is due to the 3D, so I guess the gimmick worked on me. It’s fun and briskly paced. If you’re looking for an entertaining time at the movies (or fleeting rear nudity) you need look no further than Beowulf. GRADE: B+


22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow that was odd. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked
submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say fantastic blog!


Here is my web page; inzer weight lifting belt

Unknown said...

north face outlet
the north face clearance
the north face jackets
the north face outlet store
north face jackets
the north face uk
tommy hilfiger outlet
tory burch outlet
true religion jeans
vans shoes
ysl outlet
cheap nike shoes
nike running shoes
nike free 5.0
nike free
air max 2014
air max 2015
air max 90
gucci shoes
prada shoes
chicago blackhawks jersey
chicago bears jerseys
green bay packers jerseys
new orleans saints jerseys
oakland raiders jerseys
philadelphia eagles jerseys
san francisco 49ers jerseys
atlanta falcons jersey
dallas cowboys jersey
indianapolis colts jerseys
kansas city chiefs jerseys
miami dolphins jerseys
minnesota vikings jerseys
new england patriots jerseys
new york giants jerseys
new york jets jerseys

Unknown said...

2015-07-11 zhengjx
oakley sunglasses cheap
nike blazer pas cher
prada outlet store
mont blanc pens
longchamp pas cher
gucci sito ufficiale
jordans for sale
burberry outlet online
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
ray ban outlet
ray-ban sunglasse
ralph lauren pas cher
michael kors outlet
longchamp le pliage
oakley sunglasses outlet
michael kors outlet online
cheap soccer jerseys
kate spade outlet
retro jordans
coach factory outlet
coach factory outlet
ed hardy outlet
football jerseys
ed hardy uk
polo outlet
michael kors outlet online
abercrombie kids
jorda femme pas cher
cheap oakley sunglasses
burberry outlet
ray ban outlet
ralph lauren polo shirts
ray bans
kate spade
ray ban sunglasses uk
coach outlet
gucci handbags
michael kors outlet
hollister outlet

John said...

michael kors
polo ralph lauren
louis vuitton
celine
hollister co
louis vuitton handbags
sac longchamp
longchamp bags
barbour coats
chanel handbags
tods outlet store
lululemon
timberland boots
louis vuitton
gucci outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
true religion outlet
ray ban glasses
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
jrodan retro
longchamp handbags
ray bans
louis vuitton handbags
michael kors
jordan 11 concord
polo ralph lauren
ray ban outlet
mont blanc
jordan pas cher homme
true religion jeans
2015724yuanyuan

Unknown said...

cheap nfl jerseys
thomas sabo
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
oakley sunglasses outlet
canada goose outlet
chicago blackhawks jersey
oakley sunglasses
jordan 4
gucci handbags
seattle seahawks jerseys
philadelphia eagles jerseys
fivefingers shoes
michael kors outlet
toms shoes
supra shoes
chanel 2.55
baltimore ravens jerseys
giuseppe zanotti outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet
tory burch outlet
salomon shoes
ralph lauren outlet
los angeles clippers jerseys
tods outlet
cheap soccer jerseys
atlanta falcons jersey
abercrombie and fitch
cartier bracelet
celine outlet
nfl jerseys
green bay packers jerseys
mont blanc
pandora jewelry
kobe 9 elite
ray ban sunglasses
zheng123 7.31

Unknown said...

cheap michael kors handbags
gucci sito ufficiale
cheap michael kors handbags
nike trainers
toms shoes
michael kors handbags
ed hardy clothing
michael kors outlet online
nike air force 1
ed hardy
michael kors handbags
salomon boots
michael kors handbags
cheap michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags wholesale
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet store
michael kors handbags
nike huarache
cheap michael kors handbags
gucci borse
michael kors outlet clearance
polo ralph lauren outlet
michael kors handbags
ralph lauren outlet online
rolex replica watches
chaussure louboutin
michael kors handbags online
converse shoes

wesan michael said...

links of london
timberland online shop
adidas neo online shop
cheap authentic jordans
nfl jerseys wholesale
http://www.cheapbasketballshoes.us.com
http://www.oakley-sunglass.in.net
nike huarache
ray ban sunglasses
adidas superstar

Unknown said...

moncler coats
cheap oakley sunglasses
chrome hearts outlet
gucci outlet
ugg boots
ray-ban sunglasses
gucci outlet online
the north face outlet
beats by dr dre
ray ban sunglasses
20170116lck

Unknown said...

longchamp bag
polo outlet
swarovski outlet
ray ban sunglasses
rolex watches,rolex watches,swiss watches,watches for men,watches for women,omega watches,replica watches,rolex watches for sale,rolex replica,rolex watch,cartier watches,rolex submariner,fake rolex,rolex replica watches,replica rolex
cheap replica watches
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet stores
mulberry outlet
tods outlet online
20170322caihuali

Unknown said...

pandora outlet
gucci borse
ed hardy uk
ray bans
chiefs jersey
ralph lauren outlet
asics shoes
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet clearance
nhl jerseys
20170411

chenmeinv0 said...

louis vuitton handbags
oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
beats by dre
chicago bulls jerseys
louis vuitton purses
michael kors handbags
kate spade handbags
oakley sunglasses
michael kors handbags
20174.15chenjinyan

adidas nmd said...

nike store uk
coach outlet
ralph lauren outlet
nike tn pas cher
coach outlet
rolex replica watches
nike store
omega watches for sale
los angeles lakers
oakland raiders jerseys

raybanoutlet001 said...

ugg boots
49ers jersey
coach bags
nike air force 1
michael kors bags
michael kors uk
ray ban sunglasses
ed hardy uk
nhl jerseys
true religion outlet store

raybanoutlet001 said...

cheap mlb jerseys
christian louboutin shoes
coach outlet
ralph lauren outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale
texans jerseys
michael kors outlet
pandora outlet
jordan 8
green bay packers jerseys

adidas nmd said...

cheap ray bans
moncler outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
mont blanc pens
true religion outlet
tods outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
oakley sunglasses
ralph lauren outlet
cheap ray bans

jeje said...

light up shoes
nike lebron 15
michael kors outlet online
michael kors handbags
timberland shoes
kate spade outlet online
lebron 15
fitflops
cheap jordans
lebron 13

Unknown said...

qzz0707
canada goose outlet
canada goose jackets
oakley sunglasses
nhl jerseys
pandora charms sale clearance
real madrid jersey
cheap jordans
san francisco 49ers jerseys
coach outlet online
air more uptempo

QQQQQQQQQ said...

red bottoms
chrome hearts online
nike air force 1
hermes handbags
yeezy boost
ferragamo belt
off white clothing
off white hoodie
pandora charms
adidas nmd

5689 said...

zzzzz2018.8.23
pandora
ray ban eyeglasses
pandora
ray ban eyeglasses
pandora jewelry
pandora
ugg boots clearance
fitflops shoes
ugg boots
uggs outlet

jjjjjjjjjjjjj said...

hermes outlet online
nike air max 2019
nike shox outlet
air jordan 12
lacoste polo shirts
jordan 6
yeezy shoes
adidas eqt support adv
yeezy shoes
adidas store

Unknown said...

adidas tubular
goyard handbags
jordan sneakers
lebron 15
goyard bags
yeezy boost 350
links of london
lebron shoes
adidas yeezy
hogan outlet

neneau said...

browse this site like this have a peek here page blog link why not find out more